Love Gone Sour

Written by Cassie Licari & Dominique Houle on 15/07/10

Regardless of our age, every intimate relationship has its flaws; every couple has issues they work on together that make them stronger. However, one issue no one should have to deal with is dating violence.

Dating violence is an intentional violent attack (whether physical, sexual or psychological) on one partner in a relationship. Victims of dating violence might experience one incident of dating violence, like a sexual assault, or it could be an ongoing pattern of many incidents of different types (Public Health Agency of Canada). Between 2004 and 2008, there has been an increase in the number of police-reported dating violence incidences, for both males and females of all ages (Statistics Canada). More than 80% of victims are reported to be female, and this statistic is even higher for those between the ages of 15 and 19 years of age (Statistics Canada). Also, studies have shown that youth between the ages of 15 and 24 have the highest risk of dating violence incidences, and this age group is reported to have the highest number of victims (43%) compared to other age categories (Statistics Canada).

In order to prevent dating violence, it is important to recognize warning signs in both your own relationships and those of your friends.

Possible warning signs of dating violence*

Acting jealous and possessive
Keeping you away from your family or friends
Deciding how you should dress or act
Hitting, kicking or pushing you
Using guilt or manipulation to get you to do things you don’t want to do
Insulting you, degrading you, humiliating you
Forcing you to have sex

(Courtesy of Kids Help Phone)

If you have committed acts of abuse…know that there is help available for you. There are people and resources available in your community, as well as counseling services that can help you learn to manage your anger or any other issues you may be facing. You can also call the Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 (it’s toll free & anonymous). Making the step forward to get yourself help, will allow those in your life to feel safe and have some peace of mind. Ultimately, if you do not seek help, know that if charged and found guilty, someone who is violent in a relationship can face serious consequences including imprisonment.

Possible signs someone may be a victim of dating violence*

• They stop participating in things they enjoy

• Have little or no interest in family activities

• Have difficulty sleeping

• Not be able to concentrate

• Experience memory problems

• Start missing school more

• Experience a drop in their grades

• Have unexplained cuts, bruises, burns, scratches, etc, or;

• Have low self-esteem, depression, withdrawal and/or nervousness

(Courtesy of Department of Justice Canada)

If you think you may be a victim…you should know that it is not your fault and seeking help is the best way to escape a situation like this. Talk to a trusted adult, school guidance counselor, teacher or police officer. They can provide you with the information and resources necessary to get through this difficult time. You can also call the Kids Help Phone.

No one is allowed to hurt you physically, sexually and/or psychologically. It may seem like the impossible to leave someone you may care for, but remember that if they truly cared for you, they would treat you with love and respect.

Click here to learn about the “Cycle of Violence” – a critical factor in dating violence. You can also check out this website for “Myths and Realities”. Also, if you think your friend is in an abusive relationship, click here for more information. The earlier we become aware of the factors surrounding dating violence, the better prepared we will be to handle this situation if we are faced with it one day.

* Note: Some of these signs alone may not necessarily mean that someone is an abuser/victim. However, if you are concerned about someone’s behavior in a relationship, talk to a professional or trusted adult.

Love Gone Sour

Written by Cassie Licari & Dominique Houle on 15/07/10

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