No two youth or families are the same. This diversity means there is no single solution for dealing with youth issues. Not all adults have the same type of relationship with the youth in their lives. As a result, there is a wide spectrum of responses you can use when dealing with us.
The way you interact and react to us has an affect on your relationship with us. Depending on your actions, we will either feel comfortable coming to you with problems and value your opinion, or we will feel as though you are someone we must battle against and cannot trust or rely on to help us. To ensure we have the best relationship possible, you should strive to actively participate in our lives – find the balance between guiding us and assisting us in finding our own solutions to issues we may face. The best kind of relationship to have with us is an open and honest relationship where we feel that we can talk to you about anything. This includes times when we may be in trouble. If we feel that you are being overbearing or do not trust and believe in us, than we will not have trust or believe in you.
Please refer to the “Spectrum of Responses” graphic for more information..
Minimal Involvement
Actions of Adult
- Little to no attempt at communication with youth
- Rules and guidelines for expected youth behaviour are not communicated or not consistently enforced
- Minimal attempt of adult to educate themselves about youth issues
- Use of scare tactics (saying that certain negative consequences will definitely occur), or using fear as a teaching tool (Ex: “If you use drugs, you will soon be living on the street using crack;” or saying “If you talk to strangers online you will be kidnapped”)
- Adult can be uninvolved or simply too relaxed
Effect on Adult-Youth Relationship
- Close bond between youth and adult does not exist
- Youth will disregard your messages if they feel you are trying to ‘scare’ them into doing or not doing something
- Youth may be less inclined to approach you with a problem if a strong line of communication does not exist
- Youth will seek out other sources of guidance – may receive incorrect information
Active Participation
Actions of Adult
- Adult actively educates him or herself on youth issues
- Adult initiates and engages in open discussion with the youth
- Adult asks for youth input in the creation of fair rules and consequences in a flexible but firm way
- Adult uses real-life situations to initiate conversations with the youth from an early age
- Adult asks relevant questions and can direct the youth to supplemental sources of information
Effect on Adult-Youth Relationship
- Relatively close, trusting and respectful relationship exists
- Adult is regarded as having truthful, fact-based, honest answers
- Youth will have a clear understanding of expected behaviour
- Youth will feel more confident in approaching adult about issues, as an open and non-judgmental dynamic can be expected
Intrusive
Actions of Adult
- Adult attempts to limit youth’s actions
- Adult reacts with extreme or unrealistic punishments or consequences (ex: youth is not allowed on the computer for a month – youth will find a way to be online, whether at a friend’s house or at school)
- Adult secretly monitors youth’s activities
- Adult insists on knowing youth’s passwords and being able to access their online forums
- Installation of monitoring software on computers, cameras in the house, or listens in on phone conversations
Effect on Adult-Youth relationship
- Distrust between youth and adult can develop
- Youth will seek other means as sources of information or support
- Youth will not come to adult when they have a problem in fear of being punished or does not regard adult as someone who can effectively help them
*Intrusive measure should only be considered in the most serious situations, when all other options have been exhausted. For example: when facts arise that lead one to believe the youth is being harmed.