Why does it happen?

Such acts are usually performed in order to gain control over the victim and they may increase in intensity if the abuser believes he or she is losing control. Violent acts are also used as a way to show anger by some individuals.

Types of violence

Dating violence can consist of the following types of abuse: sexual abuse, physical abuse and emotional abuse.

Sexual Abuse can be harassment, coercion or assault.

• Harassment is when your partner makes sexual jokes that make you feel uncomfortable or says other offensive things to embarrass you in front of your friends or family.
• Coercion is when your partner makes you have sex with him or her by lying to, manipulating, blackmailing or pressuring you.
• Assault is any kind of sexual touching without your consent (without you saying it’s okay). It can range from kissing, to touching, to intercourse.

Physical Abuse is any kind of physical force which may or may not result in an injury. Some examples include punching, kicking, shoving, hitting or restraining.

Emotional Abuse is using words or actions to dominate your partner, such as; insults, degradation and/or humiliation. Emotional abusers aim to break down the self-esteem of their partners and to control them. This type of abuse may include threats, name calling, stalking, being extremely jealous and possessive and/or using guilt or manipulation to get you to do things you don’t want to do (i.e. sex).

Dating violence: myths or facts?

Myth: Jealousy is a sign of love.
Fact: Jealousy is the most common reason for assaults in dating relationships. When a person continually accuses his/her partner of flirting or having an affair and is suspicious of everyone he sees with him/her, this is being possessive and controlling. This is emotional abuse.

Myth: When someone gets hit by his/her partner, he must have provoked him/her in some way.
Fact: No one deserves to be hit. Violence is always wrong, no matter what. It never solves the problem, although it often silences the victim.

Myth: Men cannot control their sexual urges. If a woman “leads him on” or is a “tease,” she deserves what she gets.
Fact: Men (and women) can control their sexual urges. Women (or men) can say “no” or “no more” at any point.

Myth: It’ll never happen to me!
Fact: Dating violence can happen to anyone. It does not recognize race, class, religion or sexual orientation. It happens to some men or women on their first date and to others after they have been dating for a long time. Everyone is at risk.

To see more myths and facts, click here

Facts

• Dating violence can occur in any type of relationship.,
• Emotional abuse from one’s partner can severely damage a person’s sense of self-worth and self-perception.
• There is an increase in dating violence when there is alcohol involved. The violence is usually blamed on the alcohol but this should never be an excuse (Public Health Agency of Canada).
• Those experiencing violence must be supported. Talking about violence in a relationship can be very hard to do, but it is necessary and can be easier if one has a good support system.
• Between 2004 and 2008, there was an increase in police-reported incidences of dating violence for people of all ages.
• Youth between the ages of 15 and 24 have the highest risk of dating violence, and this age group is reported to have the highest number of victims (43%), the majority of them being female.

(Statistics Canada)

Preventing dating violence

Possible signs someone may be a victim of dating violence*

• They stop participating in things they enjoy and may be socially isolated
• Have little or no interest in family activities
• Have difficulty sleeping
• Not be able to concentrate
• Experience memory problems
• Start missing school more
• Experience a drop in their grades
• Have unexplained cuts, bruises, burns, scratches, etc, or;
• Have low self-esteem, depression, withdrawal and/or nervousness

* Note: Some of these signs alone may not necessarily mean that someone is an abuser/victim.  However, if you are concerned about someone’s behaviour in a relationship, talk to a professional or trusted adult.

(Courtesy of Department of Justice Canada)

Victims of abuse must know that it is not their fault and that they are not alone. No one deserves to be abused. If you or someone you know is being abused, there are resources and people available to help you. You can talk to a parent, teacher, friend or counsellor, or call the Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 at any time. It is toll-free and anonymous.

Links

Kids Help Phone
Dating Violence: A Fact Sheet from the Department of Justice Canada
Love is Not Abuse
National Clearinghouse on Family Violence – Dating Violence
Safer Dates