Introduction

Domestic violence is defined as physical, sexual or emotional abuse  between two people that are in or were in a dating relationship. This includes married or previously married couples and common-law or former common-law partners (RCMP).

Facts

•    Domestic abuse can happen in any family at anytime, no matter their sexual orientation, economic class, or devotion to one another.
•    Children who witness the violent behaviour in their homes are also victims of violence.
•    Twelve percent of women who have been abused by their spouse or common law partner have never told anyone.
•    People with partners between the ages of 15 and 34 reported the highest rate of spousal violence.

(Source: RCMP – Spousal and Partner Abuse)

The Domestic Violence Cycle

Many people talk about the ‘cycle’ of domestic violence. This refers to a pattern of behaviour that has been found to occur in domestic violence situations. This cycle has four phases.
1.    Tension build-up: The problems between two people are causing conflict and tension.
2.    Crisis: The perpetrator explodes and physical, emotional or sexual violence ensues.
3.    Justification: The perpetrator makes excuses for their behaviour and victims may doubt themselves or try to help the perpetrator change.
4.    Honeymoon phase: A period of guilt and remorse follows the violent incident. Promises are made and apologies are accepted. The couple “makes up” until the cycle starts again.

(Source: Domestic Violence Cycle)

Warning signs of domestic violence*
Does your partner:
•    Come from a household with a history of violence?
•    Use force or violence as an answer to problems?
•    Have jealously issues?
•    Abuse alcohol or drugs?
•    Physically force you to do things?
•    Have strong traditional ideas about men’s and women’s roles?
•    Threaten to use weapons against people?
•    Get so angry that you fear him or her?
•    Become moody?
•    Have frequent highs and lows?

**Note: Some of these signs alone may not necessarily mean that someone will be a perpetrator of domestic violence.  However, if you are concerned about someone’s behaviour in a relationship, talk to a professional or trusted adult.

Signs someone may be involved in a domestic violence situation
•    “Accidental” injuries
•    Isolation from family and friends
•    Constant criticism and “put-downs”
•    A partner who is possessive, jealous and controlling
•    A partner who needs to know the other person’s whereabouts at all times
•    Low self-esteem and low confidence
•    Sudden withdrawal from activities
•    Depression
•    Edginess and jumpiness
•    Fear of the partner

Need Help?

If you are a victim of domestic violence…
Know that the violence is not your fault. There is nothing you could ever say or do that would justify someone to be violent towards you. In many situations of domestic violence, you may feel trapped; you may feel bad about leaving the person, or are worried about your safety if you do so. While every situation is different, some options you can consider are to:
•    Contact your local police service;
•    Inform your family or a friend who you trust to support you;
•    Find a safe place to stay;
•    Seek medical attention if needed;
•    Seek a protective order against your abuser;
•    Remember that you do not deserve to be treated this way;
•    Don’t hesitate to talk to a counsellor. What you have been through is quite traumatizing and seeking professional help can assist you in dealing with any feelings or effects you may be experiencing.

If you suspect or know someone who is a victim of domestic violence…
•    Help the victim realize that he or she may be in serious danger.
•    Let them know that children who witness domestic violence are also affected by it.
•    If they confide in you, listen actively. Inform him or her you’re happy he or she confided in you and provide non-judgmental support.
•    Encourage him or her to contact the police. They will provide the victim with the proper resources which include social workers and health professionals if needed.
•    Encourage the victim to seek medical attention if needed.
•    Make sure the victim and any children have a safe place to go to.
•    Remind the victim that he or she is not to blame and is not alone.
•    If you ever feel like their life is in danger, don’t keep it a secret; and talk to an adult you trust or the police.

Links

RCMP – Spousal and Partner abuse Family Violence – A Statistical Profile 2010 Domestic Violence – Québec GovernmentIntroduction

Domestic violence is defined as physical, sexual or emotional abuse between two people that are in or were in a dating relationship. This includes married or previously married couples and common-law or former common-law partners (RCMP).

Facts

• Domestic abuse can happen in any family at anytime, no matter their sexual orientation, economic class, or devotion to one another.

• Children who witness the violent behaviour in their homes are also victims of violence.

• Twelve percent of women who have been abused by their spouse or common law partner have never told anyone.

• People with partners between the ages of 15 and 34 reported the highest rate of spousal violence.

(Source: RCMP – Spousal and Partner Abuse)

The Domestic Violence Cycle

Many people talk about the ‘cycle’ of domestic violence. This refers to a pattern of behaviour that has been found to occur in domestic violence situations. This cycle has four phases.

1. Tension build-up: The problems between two people are causing conflict and tension.

2. Crisis: The perpetrator explodes and physical, emotional or sexual violence ensues.

3. Justification: The perpetrator makes excuses for their behaviour and victims may doubt themselves or try to help the perpetrator change.

4. Honeymoon phase: A period of guilt and remorse follows the violent incident. Promises are made and apologies are accepted. The couple “makes up” until the cycle starts again.

(Source: Domestic Violence Cycle)

Warning signs of domestic violence*

Does your partner:

• Come from a household with a history of violence?

• Use force or violence as an answer to problems?

• Have jealously issues?

• Abuse alcohol or drugs?

• Physically force you to do things?

• Have strong traditional ideas about men’s and women’s roles?

• Threaten to use weapons against people?

• Get so angry that you fear him or her?

• Become moody?

• Have frequent highs and lows?

**Note: Some of these signs alone may not necessarily mean that someone will be a perpetrator of domestic violence. However, if you are concerned about someone’s behaviour in a relationship, talk to a professional or trusted adult.

Signs someone may be involved in a domestic violence situation

• “Accidental” injuries

• Isolation from family and friends

• Constant criticism and “put-downs”

• A partner who is possessive, jealous and controlling

• A partner who needs to know the other person’s whereabouts at all times

• Low self-esteem and low confidence

• Sudden withdrawal from activities

• Depression

• Edginess and jumpiness

• Fear of the partner

Need Help?

If you are a victim of domestic violence…

Know that the violence is not your fault. There is nothing you could ever say or do that would justify someone to be violent towards you. In many situations of domestic violence, you may feel trapped; you may feel bad about leaving the person, or are worried about your safety if you do so. While every situation is different, some options you can consider are to:

• Contact your local police service;

• Inform your family or a friend who you trust to support you;

• Find a safe place to stay;

• Seek medical attention if needed;

• Seek a protective order against your abuser;

• Remember that you do not deserve to be treated this way;

• Don’t hesitate to talk to a counsellor. What you have been through is quite traumatizing and seeking professional help can assist you in dealing with any feelings or effects you may be experiencing.

If you suspect or know someone who is a victim of domestic violence…

• Help the victim realize that he or she may be in serious danger.

• Let them know that children who witness domestic violence are also affected by it.

• If they confide in you, listen actively. Inform him or her you’re happy he or she confided in you and provide non-judgmental support.

• Encourage him or her to contact the police. They will provide the victim with the proper resources which include social workers and health professionals if needed.

• Encourage the victim to seek medical attention if needed.

• Make sure the victim and any children have a safe place to go to.

• Remind the victim that he or she is not to blame and is not alone.

• If you ever feel like their life is in danger, don’t keep it a secret; and talk to an adult you trust or the police.

Links

RCMP – Spousal and Partner abuse Family Violence – A Statistical Profile 2010 Domestic Violence – Québec Government