Types of emotional abuse

• Rejecting: refusing to acknowledge a person’s presence, value or worth
• Degrading: insulting, ridiculing, name-calling, imitating, yelling, swearing, publicly humiliating, labelling a person as stupid
• Ignoring
• Terrorizing: inducing terror or fear in a person, intimidation, threatening, stalking
• Isolating: physical confinement, limiting freedom, restricting normal contact with other people
• Corrupting/Exploiting: forcing someone to accept ideas and behaviours, using someone for profit
• Bullying

(Source: Health Canada – Emotional Abuse)

Emotional abuse can also be as simple as the person:

• never trying to understand your feelings
• seeing your difficulties as unimportant or an overreaction
• not listening to you
• putting their needs before yours
• forcing you to perform tasks that are humiliating or unpleasant
• constantly insulting you or putting you down
• manipulating you into feeling guilty for things that have nothing to do with you
• trying to retain exclusive control of your emotions
• isolating you from friends and family
• blaming you for everything
• making you feel inferior
• devaluating your thoughts and feelings
• not letting a child express emotion or affection
• being jealous and possessive

Facts

• Other types of abuse are usually more obvious because of physical evidence, but emotional abuse is harder to define and diagnose.
• Emotional abuse leaves the victim with hidden scars that often result in insecurity, poor self-esteem, destructive behaviour, trust issues, withdrawal, alcohol or drug abuse, difficulty forming relationships and suicidal thoughts.
• Emotional abuse can have serious physical consequences including depression, anxiety, headaches and back, limb and stomach problems.
• Emotional abuse is behaviour which diminishes the other person’s identity, dignity, self-worth and perception.
• Emotional abuse often accompanies other forms of abuse but may also occur alone.
• Emotional abuse follows a pattern; it is repetitive, sustained and usually gets worse.
• Both men and women are the perpetrators and victims of emotional abuse.
• In children, emotional abuse can hinder psychological and social development including intelligence, memory, recognition, perception, attention, imagination and moral development. It may also result in an inability to understand and express emotions and they may express hostility and passive-aggressive behaviour. Abused children can also lack creativity, persistence and enthusiasm. They may be dependent and have negative perceptions of themselves.
• Children who see their mothers being abused are also victims of emotional abuse.
• Emotional abuse is difficult to research because there are no consistent definitions and it is hard to define, it is difficult to detect and assess, and many cases go unreported.

Indicators

• depression
• withdrawal
• low self-esteem
• severe anxiety
• fearfulness
• aggression
• emotional instability
• sleep disturbances
• physical complaints with no medical basis
• inappropriate behaviour for age or development
• passiveness
• suicide attempts or discussion
• extreme dependence
• underachievement
• inability to trust
• feelings of shame and guilt
• frequent crying
• self-blame
• refusal of medical treatment
• substance abuse
• avoiding eye contact

(Source: Health Canada – Emotional Abuse)

What you can do

If you are a victim of abuse:

• Remember that you are not alone
• Remember that it is not your fault
• Talk to someone you trust
• Find help and advice within your community

If you suspect someone is being emotionally abused:

• Listen, believe and support him or her
• Inform the person of available support services in the community and hotlines
• Report suspected child abuse or neglect to a child welfare agency

Support Services

• Twenty-four hour distress-lines
• Shelters
• Social service agencies
• Child welfare or family services
• Police
• Legal aid services
• Health care professional (doctors and nurses)
• Community health centres
• Public health department
• Community counselling centres
• Home support agencies
• Seniors’ centre
• Friendship centres
• Religious/spiritual organizations

Books

Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse by Gregory L. Jantz
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond by Patricia Evans
Teen Torment by Patricia Evans
Emotional Abuse by Marti Tamm Loring
No Visible Wounds by Mary Susan, Phd Miller

Links

Health Canada – Emotional Abuse
Centre for Research on Violence Against Women and Children
Growing Beyond Emotional Abuse articles