What is sexual abuse?

• A person can also be sexually abused without being touched if he or she is forced to watch sexual acts or movies or read pornographic material.
• If a person continually refuses to respect one’s privacy while one is changing or in the bathroom, that is also sexual abuse.
• Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of gender or age. However, the majority of victims are children and women.

What is sexual harassment?

• Sexual harassment is a form of sexual abuse.
• It is unwanted sexual attention.
• People who are harassing often pretend they are joking or teasing, and that it wasn’t meant to be taken seriously. But if it makes the other person feel uncomfortable, degraded or humiliated, it is sexual harassment.
• It is against the law and should be reported. Some examples are:
  • if someone makes sexual comments about your clothing
  • if a boss or co-worker makes sexual suggestions

What is consent?

• Consent is when one person agrees to sexual activity with another person. It can be revoked at any point.
• In Canada, the age of consent is 16 years old. Those under 16 years of age can have sex with someone older than them, providing that the other person is less than five years older (CBC).

Who are abusers?

• The majority (but not all) of abusers are male.
• Victims are most often abused by someone they know (family members, people they are dating, other people they know and trust, etc.) (Victims of Violence – Reporting Child Sexual Abuse).
• Abusers are often sexual bullies who like to use their power over others.
• Often times, when the victim knows the abuser, it can become confusing when the abuser is nice or says he/she loves the victim. Some victims think sex is the price they have to pay for attention. Abusers are manipulative and they use all sorts of tools to keep their victim submissive.
• The abuser is responsible for the abuse, no matter what the victim does or doesn’t do.
• A recent Statistics Canada study showed that more than 40 per cent of convicted child molesters were sexually abused as children (Public Health Agency of Canada).
• Abusers often use tactics to gain access to their victims and ensure their silence. These tactics include the use of threats, physical force, bribery and psychological coercion.

Facts

• Sexual assault is about power. Some people feel the need to dominate and use others simply to prove that they are stronger, bigger, older, smarter, better or richer than others. Often times it is people in positions of authority. Others have weapons (Sexual Assault of Youth).
• Sexual assault and abuse is largely a hidden crime. Therefore, it is difficult to find accurate statistics. There are many reasons why people report sexual victimization, including wanting to protect themselves and others while helping end the silence and shame around this type of abuse. However, many victims are reluctant to report abuse because they do not want to be re-victimized (which is often how it feels to have to retell the experience over and over again for the police and in court). They often also fear they will not be believed, not be support and be treated differently if people know they have been sexually abused. Choosing to report sexual victimization is a personal choice and entirely the victim’s to make; he or she should be supported no matter what he or she decides to do.
• Statistics Canada has found that one in three girls and one in six boys have been sexually abused by the time they are eighteen (Statistics & Research).
• Some people have had an experience that scared or confused them and they wonder if it was sexual abuse. Schools and community centers have psychologists that can be talked to for free. It can be very helpful to reflect on these issues with another person who is trained to help.
• Everyone deserves to be respected, listened to, cared for and loved. If someone is treated in a way that hurts, frightens or makes them uncomfortable, it is abuse.
• Sexual abuse is often used during periods of violent conflict or war as a way of terrorizing the population. Dubbed the ‘invisible war crime’ it has gained much more attention in the recent years. Programs such as the UN Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM) work to help women understand, get advice and not be ashamed of what has happened to them to ensure that they are not as affected by the many long term consequences of such violent acts (Sierra Leone War Crime).
• People who are abused by someone of the same sex sometimes think this means they are homosexual. It doesn’t.
• Abuse can exist in same-sex relationships as well.
• When a person is prepared, he or she is more likely to be able to deal with advances of a predator. This is why self defence and sexual abuse awareness classes are so important. Check your town’s police station, community centers and schools for when the next class is being offered.

Common reactions to sexual abuse

• Disbelief
• Sadness
• Anger
• Minimization (telling yourself it wasn’t that bad)
• Fear
• Relief (once you confide in someone)

(Source: Child Abuse Effects)

What you can do

If you have been victimized:

• Remember that you did absolutely nothing to deserve being abused. What happened is not your fault.
• Feeling alone and isolated is common among those who have been abused. Whether it’s with a friend or a professional such as a counsellor, talking to someone about what happened can be a relief.
• You have the right to report the abuse to the police. Sexual abuse is against the law and one of the roles of the criminal justice system is to protect victims.
• Whether you decide to report the abuse or not, your local sexual assault or distress centre can support you and provide you with more resources.
• It’s a good idea to go to the hospital or health clinic to make sure you’re physically okay.
• There are resources in almost every community for those who have been victimized. They range from hotlines, to individual counselling, to support groups.

If you know someone who has been victimized:

• Ask them how you can best support them. Each person has unique needs: some people want to talk about what has happened while others get very distressed by remembering and want to be distracted. Some people want to report the abuse, others don’t. All victims should be supported unconditionally, no matter what they want or decide to do.
• If you don’t know what to say or what to do, that’s okay! You’re not a professional who has been trained how to react in these situations. Don’t be afraid to tell the person you want to help them but don’t know how to. Many people don’t know how to support victims of sexual abuse and so they avoid them or the topic; this often makes the victim feel like he or she is being shamed or disbelieved.
• Do some research. There are plenty of resources on in the Internet about sexual abuse in general and listings for local resources in your community.

If you want to help end sexual abuse:

• Learn about it. Learn about the different types, why it can happen and what facts are actually myths. This will give you a clearer picture of what you’re dealing with as well as enable you to dispel any myths or misconceptions that you come up against.
• Don’t allow stereotypes and misconceptions to be spread. For example, if you hear someone talking about how some victims deserve what they get, step in and correct the person who said that. This can be really hard to do, but the spread of these misconceptions is even harder to deal with. You’ll also probably find that others feel the same way as you but didn’t know what to say – it often just takes one person to break the silence.
• Promote programs and other educational tools which talk about healthy relationships and respecting one another.
• Promote awareness about the realities of sexual abuse (for example, let people know that the vast majority of abusers are known to the victim – they’re not strangers who jump out of dark alleyways).

Who can you tell?

• parents
• trusted friends
• trusted teacher
• school counsellor
• social worker or youth counsellor
• any trusted adult
• crisis hotline (Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868)
• child welfare agency
• police department
• hospital
• mental health centre
• sexual assault centre
• distress centre
• community centre

Laws

There are laws about sexual activity in the Criminal Code of Canada to protect people (especially youth) from exploitation and abuse. These laws are designed to protect less powerful people from those who choose to misuse their power.

These laws are not made to stop sexual activity between teenagers but to protect them from sexual abuse and exploitation.

Sections to know about:

Sexual interference: Section 151 of the Criminal Code says that an adult must not touch any part of a child under the age of 16 “for sexual purposes”.

Invitation to sexual touching: Section 152 says that an adult must not invite a child under the age of 16 to touch him or herself or the adult “for sexual purposes”.

Sexual exploitation: Section 153 of the Criminal Code says that an older person who holds a special position of trust and responsibility (such as a teacher, doctor or babysitter) must not touch any part of a young person under the age of 18 “for sexual purposes.” That person also cannot invite a young person to touch him or her “for sexual purposes”.

Incest: Section 155 of the Criminal Code says that sexual intercourse with a family member is a crime.

Anal intercourse: Section 159 of the Criminal Code says that no two people may engage in anal intercourse if one of them is under the age of 18.

Talk to a lawyer if you want to know more about your rights.

(Source: Criminal Code – Department of Justice Canada)

Links

Health Canada -  Violence and Abuse
Health Canada – Child Sexual Abuse
Kids  Help Phone
RAINN – Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (US)
Criminal Code – Department of Justice Canada
Sexual Abuse Effects